As we have been here over a month now, I have had time to reflect and have realized that I had some unspoken expectations of our time in Hawaii. Hmmm, since I’m being honest, the unspoken thoughts went something like this: “We will be living in paradise, near the beach, with sunshine and palm trees and waves and sand and mountains. Everyone will be happy. We will all feel laid back and relaxed. The kids will get along and play together. We will make friends with our neighbors and meet new people. We will have so much family time. We won't get on each other's nerves--I mean, we will be living the island life! When school starts, we will have calmer mornings and I won’t feel so rushed, like I do all the time. The kids will keep up with their responsibilities well since we are in a new place, a new house, with a different pace of life.” And so on...
Now don’t get me wrong. This is a heavenly paradise to live in. But I am either super naive, super optimistic or just plain stupid (or maybe all of the above). And what I’ve learned is that no matter where you are or where you live, we are flawed human beings, living in a broken world, and there WILL be trouble. There’s just no escaping it. The Bible even tells us that in John 16:33–“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” And trouble can present itself in various forms. Here are some of the ways it has shown itself in our piece of the world:
• Kids arguing, fighting, bickering, scratching, calling each other names
• Kids not keeping up with their basic responsibilities—beds unmade, plates left at the table, dirty clothes on the floor, clean clothes on the floor, belongings strewn about, and that daggone toilet seat...
• Speaking unkindly and disrespectfully—both kids and parents
• Having 2 very difficult neighbors directly next to us and across from us—evidenced when on an afternoon swimming in our pool at 3pm, our doorbell rang and 2 outraged women were at the door, one of which was upset that she couldn’t take a nap due to loud children and music. This woman was quite outspoken in her anger; the other, deceivingly soft-spoken and passive, yet similarly enraged. Said woman also has a video camera pointing directly at our house. And we feel as if we are being stalked and listened to at all times.
• Maintenance issues in our rental house—a refrigerator that doesn’t work, can’t keep cool and therefore spoils food within a couple of days, causing us to throw away so much. Chairs whose fabric covering was flaking off and creating a mess on the floor anytime someone would sit in them. (They’ve been replaced.) Many windows that do not open (the breeze here is crucial to comfort). An oven that has a mind of its own and doesn’t work well. An A/C unit that doesn’t cool. A roof that has a leak. And with all of these issues comes service men in and out of our house multiple times a week.
• Falling down the stairs—yes, I’m talking about myself. While carrying my 50 lb, 6 year old boy at 3am down the stairs to go back to his bed, I missed the last step (I think) and fell, injuring my back and left foot. I haven’t experienced pain like that since I broke my tailbone. (also a child related injury!) The recovery has been long, tedious, and frustrating. The “active” adventures that I wanted to try on this trip have been put on hold. Even just simple exercise has been put on hold.
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Adjustment is a real thing. And with any change in life, big or small, there is a phase of adjusting. And it can be ugly at times, sad, or lonely. It’s how we handle the bumps in the road that matter and make lasting impact. Sometimes we can go around them, but most of the time we have to walk over the bump. And as John 16:33 says above, in Him, we may have peace. Peace. Yes... what we all desire in this chaotic world is peace. And Jesus offers it to us. And He is meeting me in this place. So as one friend reminded me, no matter where I am, I need Jesus. And my kids need me. Just like we can’t escape trouble in life, my children are in a phase of adolescence that require consistent coaching and encouragement. Living in paradise doesn’t change that. What was I thinking? My hope and prayer is that they see Jesus in me. And that I can embrace the unexpected that God allows in my day to day to draw me closer to Him.
So how have we dealt with some of these bumps? I am incredibly thankful for the presence of my husband during this time, to see the daily rhythms of our family like he hasn't before. His input has been critical in changing the way the household runs.
• We have had intentional conversations about how we treat others, how we can show respect, and how to love others even when they are mean or just plain annoy us. (It's called grace.) We've read what God has to say about it all and have prayed together. We've apologized and asked for forgiveness.
• We've made "expectation charts" for each child, so that what Mom & Dad expect from them each day is visually laid out. This has helped with less "nagging" from Mom and more ownership from each child. They have punishments for not doing their "jobs", but more importantly, a reward at the end of each week ($) and even more exciting, it seems, a teamwork reward of an ice cream sundae bar on the weekend if everyone works together to complete their responsibilities.
• We've made some accommodations to appease the neighbors, all while embracing the fact that we have 3 children and a pool and we will enjoy those unapologetically.
Most importantly, I am learning to live each day with purpose and intention that is focused on my relationships with the Lord, my husband and my children. I feel recharged to embrace the bumps, learn from them, and to keep walking forward, trusting that God is at work in our hearts and lives. I will choose to let my expectations shift into expecting that God has a plan for me and is in control. I will continue to be optimistic, welcoming this extraordinary opportunity to live a slower pace of life. And I feel incredibly grateful to be in such a beautiful place learning these things. I sure miss my people back home, but am so thankful for their input into my life and how they fill my cup.
So take heart, friends, God is at work in your lives, too. Recognize that you bring expectations into everything. And those expectations can shape the dynamic of your daily rhythm. No matter where you live, what change or transition you are going through, or what season of life... acknowledge that there will be trouble, but be encouraged; He has overcome the world!
xoxo
Molly